How to be an entrepreneur/intrapreneur and not ruin your marriage

Jan 19
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The associated risks of starting a company are hard enough when you are young and unattached (though lack of experience and naïveté keeps you brave and motivated). But being in a long-term relationship, married, or a parent adds a whole new level of complications, risks, and motivations.

It is not surprising that VCs like investing in companies led by young, single, male entrepreneurs (some think this is because it is easier to control them and make them work 24×7).  But my own experience tells me that the vast majority of entrepreneurs are married and many are even parents. Our wives/husbands/partners are the true unsung heroes. Some of the most successful business people have a great supporter behind them.

Although I’ve mostly been an intrapreneur in my career, during my last venture I was a co-founder. Sadly, the company did not work out and cost me dearly. My wife was my rock through it all!  There is a reason I call her my “angel investor” – she is my biggest supporter and the best BS detector. Having someone really smart to bounce thoughts off of is an absolutely invaluable asset.

Here is what I have learned so far from my own marriage and business successes/failures:

  • Business is second to family. No business is worth sacrificing your family for, and in fact, power, support, and inspiration can be derived directly from your “home team”.
  • Communication with your partner is crucial! Especially when things go awry, walking around angry and frustrated will not help you or your marriage. But, if you communicate and use your partner as an advisor, you will get to a much better place faster.
  • As the saying goes – perception is reality. Be honest with yourself, err on the side of caution, and set appropriate expectations. Allowing assumptions leads to painful consequences.
  • Carve out time every week for your partner. No business conversations, emails, text messages, or voicemails allowed – just you and your better half.

Lastly, one of the biggest bonuses for an entrepreneur/intrapreneur with a great partner at home is that it forces you to think more clearly and learn how to sell your ideas. Almost every idea I could not explain well to my wife turned out to be a steamin’ dud.

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  • This reminds me of the old saying "Behind every successful man, is a woman" but these days the same is true of the opposite. Today the better saying is "Behind every successful person, is a partner". And truly all the better CEOs I've worked with know that it's partnership and a team approach that moves business along which is exactly the same interpersonal skills you need for a good marriage. That skill set and the judgment that comes along with it, is really hard to measure so the inexperienced business person or VC is likely to disregard it and go for the smart 25-year-old that will not sleep over the person that knows there are limits as to how much they can do in any one arena. However, people that understand and are able to articulate their limits build much better environments generally and much stronger businesses specifically because they partner with strong people.
  • Apollo, these are great tips for executives in mature companies as well as entrepreneurs. Communication is key; being open and straightforward about commitments (to each other and the business) is critical; deceiving, being overly optimistic, or underestimating the work required are surefire ways to increase stress, hurting not just the marriage but your passion for the new venture as well.
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Apolinaras is a business operations leader with 12-year track record of building scalable and capital-efficient operations for technology and professional services companies.
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